stephizzle (teppieteph) wrote,

cupid's got me in a chokehold

why can't anything be easy for me? for once in life i just want to go through a day that isnt a constant battle. it's almost like everyone has to test my nerves, well as of right now, they're pretty shot. i don't really have much to write about i guess. there's this boy i guess i could write about, but there's no sense in that. i'm sick of knowing theres just alot of oysters and no pearls i don't know what it is, but it seems like i build relationships with people, and i give all i can give, and i get nothing in return. all i ask is for people to be truthful with me, and i mean is that really too much to ask? why do i even let myself fall for people? why do i let myself get that close to someone? has it ever worked out in my favor? no. and if you're going to read this and then bitch at me about negativity, don't fucking read it okay? it's my journal, it's here for venting and since i have no decent people to talk to, i'm stuck venting onto a blank text box. i take that back, i have two people i can talk to, but they hear so much from me on the daily anyways, why would i bother them with more? ive always wanted to know what about me isnt good enough. everyone says, "you're too good" or "it's not you, it's me" that's just fucking excuses. be honest, have balls, fess up, tell me whats going on. it's not fair. i've been considering moving out of state, i've done it before, i'll do it again. there's nothing here for me. it's baseball season, therefore the "void" in my life called family is truly missing in action. i guess i'm going to stop here, it's just making me more angry.

ps: why can't i have something good happen for once? what have i done that's so wrong that i deserve nothing? why can't i have you?
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